How to Find a Good Parenting Program
Parenting is the toughest job on the planet, but only a few of us feel prepared to be good parents. And then the day comes when a nurse hands you a kid and, ready or not, you’re a parent. You’re immediately smitten and committed to being the best mommy or daddy you can be for the sake of this child.
Most of us need some help parenting our kids at one time or another, and there are some excellent programs available to help us. Some are better than others, so you’ll want to evaluate each program before you sign up and pay them money.
Will it teach me how to communicate with my child?
A lot of parenting comes down to communication. We’d prefer not to communicate by yelling and screaming at them, but our kids drive us nuts sometimes and we don’t know how not to yell and scream. A good parenting program will teach you how to communicate with your child, even when she is pushing your buttons.
Will it focus on the whole family?
If you’re a parent, you’re part of a family and families are systems. The members of a family interact with one another to maintain the balance of the system. If one thing changes, something else has to change to maintain that balance. If a parenting program focuses exclusively on one parent, or on one child, it probably won’t give you the tools you need.
Will it teach me effective ways to discipline my child?
It is no longer acceptable to punish children physically. Some people feel that spankings are fine, and they may be right, but the line between punishment and abuse is so blurred that it’s just not a good idea to go there. A good parenting program should teach you age appropriate, non-physical ways to discipline your child. It helps to remember that discipline and punishment isn’t the same thing; discipline is a way of teaching your child what is acceptable.
What’s my gut instinct?
We tend to ignore our intuition, but most of the time it’s right on. Don’t choose a program that makes you feel guilty, judged or punished. Don’t sign on if you feel like a bad kid when you’re talking to whoever’s in charge. Look for a parenting program where you feel safe, comfortable and affirmed. You’re there to learn how to be a better parent, not to get beat up for not being good enough.
You don’t have to be in crisis to look for a parenting program, either. Sometimes it’s a good idea to be proactive, and look for a program before the baby is born, or before adolescence, or at some other point where you anticipate adjustment problems. Enrolling in a parenting program doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong with your kids. On the contrary, it means you’re doing something very right.
